It’s completely normal to be nervous when giving a eulogy or funeral speech.  While you probably feel honored to be asked to give a funeral speech or eulogy, there’s no denying that it’s a nerve-wracking thing to do. After all, public speaking is scary at the best of times, never mind when there is the added pressure of an emotional setting.

1. Your funeral speech doesn’t have to be perfect

You may feel nervous about losing your place, going blank, choking up or crying. Don’t be ashamed of crying or “breaking down” during the eulogy. People will understand. In fact, people will relate to you more if you let your humanity show rather than being a cold robot performing a task.

2. Practice ahead of time

Rehearse your funeral speech out loud a few days before the funeral. Ask a friend or family member to listen and give you constructive feedback. Ask them if you were clear, and if you need to speak faster or slower.

3. Visualize yourself giving your funeral speech

Imagine yourself speaking, your voice loud, clear and confident. Visualize the audience smiling and nodding with appreciation – it will boost your confidence.

4. Don’t be hard on yourself

The most important thing to realize is that all you have to do is be genuine and try your best. No one can ask any more from you than that, so try not to put too much pressure on yourself.

5. Realize that people are rooting for you

The people in your audience are not judging you. Quite the contrary – they are admiring you for having the courage to do what they would find very difficult. They’re rooting for you.

6. Don’t apologize

There’s no need to apologize for any “mistakes” such as nervousness, losing your place, going blank, choking up or crying. Your audience will be so wrapped up in their own memories of the deceased that they will probably never notice it.

7. Have a designated back-up person

It’s a good idea to have a designated back-up person who can come up and finish reading the eulogy if you find yourself unable to carry on. But most people are surprised by how they can rise to the occasion. There’s something about the adrenaline of public speaking that takes over and helps you out.

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All Is Well

Death is nothing at all,
I have only slipped into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used
Put no difference in your tone,
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was,
Let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It it the same as it ever was, there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near,
Just around the corner.
All is well.

By Henry Scott Holland (1847-1918)
Canon of St Paul’s Cathedral

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